Tuesday, April 23, 2019

Disciplined Parents, Disciplined Kids

Disciplined KidsToday we will hear from my assistant Liz Bailey, who has some insights on how disciplined parents influence their children to become more confident, disciplined, likeable adults.

When my children were growing up I used to tell them, “I love you unconditionally… but I want other people to like you, too!” I wanted to raise them to be adults who worked hard, got along well with others, showed respect and behaved with courtesy to everyone. The question was, what does a parent need to do to instill those qualities in their children?

Here are a few things that come to mind as I think back over raising my smart, strong-willed, hilarious and, at times, exasperating children:

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

How to Be Your Daughter’s Hero

Be Your Daughter's HeroHeroes are often people who face seemingly impossible odds, set personal wants and needs aside, and run to the rescue of someone who isn’t strong enough to help themselves. That’s also a pretty accurate description of a good father, don’t you think?

Dad, do you want your daughter to make smart choices when it comes to drugs and alcohol, sexual intimacy, boyfriends, academic performance, how she dresses and developing a strong faith? If so, I want to encourage you to read the four tips from Dr. Meg Meeker’s book, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters below.

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Are You Together or Unified?

UnifiedYou can certainly notice when a sports or business team is unified because they tend to experience a great deal of success. Each player focuses on their role in creating a well-coordinated effort to win as a team.

The same is true for marriages. In my work with couples I find that one of the major contributing factors to relationship dissatisfaction has to do with the fact that they are together but not truly unified.

Many couples are together in that they live in the same home, share the same financial resources, sleep in the same bed, attend their kids’ Saturday soccer games and go out on an occasional date. These things are good, but they don’t necessarily reflect unity. Let me explain.

Unity is defined as the state or fact of being united or combined into one, as of the parts of a whole. This definition applies so perfectly to marriage! It goes deeper than simply being in proximity to one another. Unity in marriage is characterized by several key qualities:

Shared relationship goals: Are you both “all in” to make your marriage the best it can be? Working diligently toward growing together will result in both partners experiencing greater satisfaction. If either partner is more interested in meeting their individual needs rather than prioritizing the relationship, the marriage will be unsatisfying for both partners.

Joint participation in parenting, financial management and general decision making: After the dream wedding, life starts to get real. Practical, everyday responsibilities and opportunities occur for every couple, and they can’t be addressed by romantically gazing into each other’s eyes. Successful marriage is accomplished through cooperation, compromise, and willingness to work together.

Mutual loyalty, support and encouragement: Many of the couples I have worked with seemed to have forgotten the important principle that

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

A Dad’s Greatest Influence Is His Example

Lessons are caughtWhen I was a child there wasn’t anyone more important to me than my dad. The influence he had on my life was profound and the love he demonstrated was genuine and unconditional.

Although my dad was often busy working two jobs, keeping up with house and car repairs and helping to raise seven kids, he was able to consistently instill important values into my life.

It was my father who helped teach me about honesty, the importance of a strong work ethic, making good on promises and the difference between right and wrong. As I reflect back on the lessons learned from my dad I realize that most of them were taught through his example – not by lectures.

My dad was far from perfect, but he knew what he believed and how to demonstrate those beliefs through his actions. Dads, how are you instructing your children? Remember that the training and instruction you give through your example will have a much greater impact on your children than just your words alone!

Live, Work and Relate Well!

Dr. Todd

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

How to Be a Person of Influence – Part II

InfluenceLast week I shared the first 5 tips for how to be a person of influence, so here are the 5 remaining tips. I encourage and challenge you to review all 10 tips frequently so that you will become a person of influence who makes a positive difference in the lives of those around you.

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Creating an Educational Advantage for Your Children

Young family on floor with mother, father, daughter and son

Many American parents are angry because of their belief that our public educational system is in shambles. In federal and state political arenas, education is a hot topic and emotions run high as parents, teachers, administrators and politicians wrestle with the issues, and sometimes it’s the children who get caught in the crossfire in the battle over education.

Many parents complain that political correctness, waning values, liberal philosophies and a lack of appropriate discipline has permeated our public schools, rendering them ineffective and even harmful to children and families. The news outlets publish attention-grabbing headlines about students who are severely punished for minor or unintended infractions and others that blame the failing schools for kids who inflict violence on their fellow students.

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

Job Stress Can Interfere with Being a Father

FatherAccording to a Pennsylvania State University study, when you combine a highly demanding job together with marital problems the result is a father who is out of the loop related to his school-age child’s daily life. There is no question that both mothers and fathers can face extremely challenging circumstances as they balance work life and home life, but today we will focus on the fathers.

Many men are deeply work-oriented – instinctively trying to conquer the two-headed beast of achievement and competition. In a job market that creates higher demands on each employee many dads are working longer hours and even bringing more work home, making them less available to their wives and children. This creates a great deal of strain on marriages. I hear in counseling from women who feel their husbands are “missing in action” and not tending to their emotional needs and leaving them to shoulder all of the physical and emotional responsibility for the children, and it may affect their sons even more profoundly than their daughters.

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

What Do You Want for Christmas?

ChristmasI wonder sometimes if there is any other place in the world that celebrates Christmas as materially as we do in the US. So, I decided to go to the internet to check out some traditions around the world. (It is a fun and interesting search, and you should try it.)

Some of the interesting tidbits of information I read include:

In Nigeria, well-to-do people visit poorer towns and bring gifts. It is a season for considering those less fortunate.

In Japan, Christmas evolved from being outlawed to being westernized. Back in the 1970’s there was a very successful advertising campaign, and to this day people have to make their reservations months in advance to eat at KFC on Christmas!

Thursday, September 28, 2017

10 Things That Turn Women Off

WomenIn most healthy marriages, both the husband and wife enjoy physical intimacy. There was a time when women were taught to “endure” their husbands’ advances, but thankfully we have grown past that archaic mindset and into the realization that God designed sex in marriage to be pleasing to both spouses.

And yet, a lot of men still complain about their wives’ lack of interest in physical affection and sexual intimacy. What’s the problem? I have found that many men simply do not understand how they might influence this indifference or lack of desire.

As a psychologist, I have spoken a great deal with men and women on the subject of marital intimacy, so I hear both sides of the story. It is rare that someone’s marriage is affected by all ten of these turn-offs, but they are common enough that you might recognize yours in one or two of them.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Understanding and Responding to Bullies

BullySticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Wrong! Hurtful words can leave emotional wounds long after the damage caused by a stick or stone has been healed. Cruel, harsh and threatening words often strike at the very core of a child’s sense of worth and value causing them to experience a sense of self-doubt, inadequacy and inferiority that can haunt them for a lifetime. This is often the consequence of bullying. In fact, it seems that the news reports more and more incidences in which children and teens have chosen to commit suicide rather than continue being subjected to the intense pain caused by a bully.

Although bullying has been around since biblical times, it is a growing concern among many parents. Despite the increased efforts of many caring and concerned school administrators and teachers, bullying, on and off school campuses, is on the rise.