Thursday, September 28, 2017

10 Things That Turn Women Off

WomenIn most healthy marriages, both the husband and wife enjoy physical intimacy. There was a time when women were taught to “endure” their husbands’ advances, but thankfully we have grown past that archaic mindset and into the realization that God designed sex in marriage to be pleasing to both spouses.

And yet, a lot of men still complain about their wives’ lack of interest in physical affection and sexual intimacy. What’s the problem? I have found that many men simply do not understand how they might influence this indifference or lack of desire.

As a psychologist, I have spoken a great deal with men and women on the subject of marital intimacy, so I hear both sides of the story. It is rare that someone’s marriage is affected by all ten of these turn-offs, but they are common enough that you might recognize yours in one or two of them.

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

A Sure Way to Increase Marital Satisfaction

Pick up almost any book on marriage, and you will find a good portion of it dedicated to helping couples improve their marital satisfaction. The reason so many authors address that topic is because so many couples express some level of disappointment or dissatisfaction in their marriages. Many of the suggestions and ideas are helpful, but I’d like to talk about one thing that really works and doesn’t require any special preparation, counseling or training.

Marital Satisfaction

The simple fact is this: Couples who spend time together are likely to be more satisfied in their marriage. Think back to when you were dating. If you were like most couples, you couldn’t wait to be together and to spend as much time as possible doing fun things and growing closer together. But once you returned from your honeymoon and finished all your thank-you notes, the realities of married life may have crept in. Most couples are separated a significant portion of the day by work, and then much of the time they have together is spent paying the bills, caring for the children or doing chores around the house. As responsibility pushes in, it’s hard to remember how much you enjoyed one another while you were dating, and intimacy becomes a distant memory.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

How Your Past Affects Your Marriage

Remember the old jump rope jingle?

Tommy and Suzy sittin’ in a tree

K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

First comes love, then comes marriage

Then comes Suzy with a baby carriage!

We usually inserted the names of a boy and a girl we knew and used this rhyme as a way of embarrassing them; but the point is, it wasn’t that long ago that the sequence of events in the relationship were the norm, and variances were socially unacceptable.

Marriage - Uncertainty

Social climate, perceived standards of morality and priorities have changed a lot since then!  I read some interesting research by Galena K. Rhoades and Scott M. Stanley that explored how the “new normal” trends have affected the younger generation of married couples.  Their findings include three major conclusions:

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Keeping the Spark Alive

Whether you have been married for several months or many years the daily stresses and busyness of life can easily turn the passionate flame of relational intimacy into a dying ember. Every day, hundreds of couples file for divorce claiming that their once vibrant and satisfying marriage is now just a painful succession of conflicts and hollow interactions. Many more couples admit that most of their attention and energy is focused on merely surviving rather than on thriving. Their marriages have become boring and routine.

Keeping the Spark Alive

Keeping the spark alive in marriage takes work, but it’s an investment that can pay dividends for generations to come.  Research reveals that many divorces could be prevented and many dying marriages revived if the couple were willing to invest time and effort into learning simple strategies for rediscovering and maintaining the passion and intimacy in their relationship.

Make it a priority each month to sit down with your spouse to review the practical ideas listed below for making your marriage all it was intended to be. Challenge yourselves to add your own creative ideas to this list by focusing on each other’s personal likes, interests and needs. Have fun and feel free to pass this list along to your married friends and family!

Live, Work and Relate Well!

Dr. Todd

Twenty Tips for Keeping the Spark Alive

1. Talk about your one, five and ten-year personal, relational and family goals and dreams. Write them down and visit them at least every three months. Modify them as necessary.

2. Identify and develop mutual interests, like hiking, tennis, fishing, restoring antiques, painting, etc.

3. Be willing to try something new – taking dance lessons can be fun, or at least good exercise.

4. Practice daily “check-ins”. Identify at least three adjectives to describe how you are