Last time we talked about the first 5 of 10 myths that cause a great deal of frustration and pain in many marriages. Although these myths can be destructive they are rather common in that most people believe one or more of them at some time, even in a healthy marriage.
To review, the first 5 myths are:
Myth 1: We should never go to bed angry.
Myth 2: My spouse ought to know what I think, feel and want.
Myth 3: A successful discussion always ends in agreement.
Myth 4: If we bring up or discuss a problem it needs to be solved now.
Myth 5: When I share my feelings my spouse must always do something in response.
Now we will look at Myths 6 through 10.
Myth 6: If my spouse rejects my views he/she is really rejecting me.
Rejection hurts, especially from someone you care about. However, disagreement and rejection are two very different things. If disagreement feels like rejection to you, you may be caught in “personalization”. Personalization occurs when a person believes that whatever someone does or says is a direct, personal reaction to – or judgment of – them as a person. It is important to remember that your view on a particular issue is separate from who you are as an individual. You and your spouse both have the right to hold differing opinions, and that doesn’t have to be a problem. When a couple is able to respectfully reject each other’s views or opinions from time to time without personalizing, it actually demonstrates the strength of the marriage. Discussing different views helps to strengthen problem-solving, critical thinking and even intimacy. Remember, having a spouse who agrees with everything you believe and think is not only unhealthy, it’s boring.
Myth 7: If