Tuesday, August 20, 2019

Fear – The Great Impostor

People frequently wonder what motivates them to do the things they do. Most of us desire our actions to be influenced by compassion, wisdom, confidence, fairness and love. However, many would be surprised to know that much of their behavior is influenced by nothing more than the great impostor – fear.

Fear

Fear wears many masks. Some of these masks include procrastination, avoidance, perfectionism, anger, passivity and impatience. These behaviors and emotions often reflect fears of failure, rejection, abandonment, loss of security, looking foolish and being taken advantage of. The negative attitudes and actions we possess will only change when we begin challenging our fears.

Here’s how:

Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Why Bad News Grabs Our Attention

Every day we are bombarded with television, radio, internet and newspaper headlines and stories that draw our attention to bad news.  We hear and read about natural disasters, economic uncertainty, wars and other tragedies that serve to trigger distress and worry in many people.

Band NewsDid you know that 53.4% of the news on television alone depicts violence, conflict and suffering? The worse the report, the more likely it is to be the lead story because humans are naturally attracted to bad news. 

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Free Yourself From Negative Emotion

Negative EmotionIn my professional practice I encounter men and women every day who are bound up in the proverbial chains of negative emotions. They are dragging their feet through life, weighed down by feelings of fear, jealousy, self-pity, anger, sadness, anxiety and rejection.

These chronic painful emotions are what often stand in the way of a person’s personal and professional success in life. Negative emotions can deplete you of energy and motivation, take away your joy and enthusiasm and keep you from pursuing positive goals for your life. It is very difficult to do well professionally or relationally if you don’t have a positive and realistic attitude and healthy emotions.

Monday, August 21, 2017

How Counseling Can Save Your Life

CounselingI will be talking with Dr. Randy Carlson on the Intentional Living radio program Tuesday, August 22nd. He has asked me to spend a few minutes talking about the importance of counseling and how it can potentially save a person’s life.

As I consider how to describe the value of counseling, a few things come to mind.

At some time in everyone’s life, something unexpected and painful can occur. Death, divorce, injustice, rejection and serious accidents can bring about intense emotions or slow-burning resentment. Counseling can help you identify and manage the hurt or anger that could lead to destructive decisions and negative reactions. Lashing out in anger or holding on to resentment can have long-lasting devastating consequences and derail the healing and recovery process. Letting hurt and anger go unattended will steal the peace and joy from your life.

Saturday, November 12, 2016

When You Don’t Get Your Way

Anger How do you respond when things don’t go your way or you don’t get what you want? The current news is filled with reports of people demonstrating their anger and rage about not getting what they want, and I am concerned that the methods too many have chosen to express their feelings are doing much more harm than good. The lack of ability to appropriately express anger and fear along with wants and needs is doing damage on a large scale in many cities, but it also impacts people on an individual level.

If it’s important to you to demonstrate maturity and self-control as well as communicate in a way that will give you credibility and reflect objectivity take the time and make the effort to be good and angry when you don’t get your way.

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Worry vs. Healthy Concern

Worry It is highly likely that within the last few hours you have given in to the urge to worry about something. Worry comes as naturally to most of us as breathing, so it is important for all of us to consider some basic questions and principles whenever worry begins to creep in to our thinking.

As a psychologist, I have worked with hundreds of people who struggle with worry, and I have found that each person has their own unique triggers, reasons and methods of expressing worry, but they also have some things in common – they either worry too much, too little or just enough.

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Do You Worry About What People Think?

It’s been said that more people are held captive in the prison of their own minds than in all the jail cells in the world… and Worry is their warden. There are countless things that may weigh heavily on our minds, but I have worked with many people who significantly struggle with worrying about what people think about them, and they always pay a price.

worryMany of the decisions you make on a daily basis, like what to wear, the music to listen to, what to say in a conversation, or who to associate with are governed, in large part, by a goal-directed conscious or unconscious process that attempts to influence what people think about you. We call this process impression management.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Fear and Cockroaches

I meet with people nearly every day who are controlled by their fears or victimized by the fears of their spouse, parent or other influential person in their life.  They often miss out on the joy of life because they are consumed with worry about financial ruin, illness, rejection, criticism and the list goes on and on.

Fear

The emotional, physical and psychological symptoms that accompany the anxiety brought on by these fears often greatly diminish a person’s quality of life and ability to relate well at home and work.  People experiencing fear and anxiety often tell me they live with a constant sense of panic or dread that something bad is going to happen.  Or they suffer with physical symptoms like headaches, stomach cramps, chest pain, tension and fatigue.  Of course, it’s always important to check with your physician to rule out health problems, but it’s equally important to learn how your body tends to react to fear and anxiety, because long term stress can eventually lead to physical illness.  It’s a perfect example of a vicious cycle!

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Strategies for Dealing with Burnout – Part 3 of 4

In my last blog I suggested that the first strategy for dealing with burnout is to Refocus. It’s important to move your gaze from the quagmire of stress and over-commitment and gain a new outlook. I urged you to think about how you think and shared some books that have helped me and a lot of others.

Burnout

Today we will talk about Strategy #2: Revitalize.

If you neglect to put gas in your car you will soon find yourself stuck on the side of the road.  The same is true of your body.  If you neglect your legitimate physical needs – sleep, nutrition, and physical activity – you will burn out quickly.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

How to Guarantee Fewer Problems in Your Life

Problems

Do you want to experience fewer “problems” in your life?  Great, keep reading.

I was talking with some clients recently, and they consistently used the word “problem” to describe many of the things happening around them.  This situation was a problem, that person is a problem, etc.  Their words sounded as though life was heavy and frustrating and they felt helpless and hopeless.   As I listened, I was reminded of how the words we choose have such a powerful impact on how we think, feel and respond to things that happen in our lives – especially things we perceive to be negative or difficult.

I said to my clients, “I want you to consider for a moment that what you have been describing are not really problems, but rather challenges.  No one can avoid life’s challenges, but it is possible to keep them from becoming problems.”  I believe the problems many people experience are in reality challenges that were poorly responded to.