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Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Peace on Earth Begins at Home

PeaceFor many families Winter brings the biggest holiday celebrations of the year, with relatives making it a priority to come together even if they have to travel from all over the country. Our own branch of the family tree is growing as our children marry and have children, and I can’t think of anyone I would rather spend time with on a special holiday than my extended family! I love to anticipate laughing, eating, playing games and opening gifts together.

Between holidays, birthdays, weddings, and funerals, there may be many times your family gathers together, and maybe you eagerly look forward it the same way I do – unless your happy holiday bubble bursts because conflict arises between your loved ones. I hear often about the heartache people feel when Christmas or another important occasion is tainted with strained relationships or bad behavior by one or more family members. Somehow, a feud or a bad attitude seems magnified during the season of hope and joy. So, how do you try to restore peace for your special day? Here are some ideas:

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Top Performers Use Executive Coaching

Executive CoachingBehind every world-class athlete is a dedicated and committed coach. The same can be said for many of the top performing leaders, executives, professionals, directors, managers, pastors and entrepreneurs. If you are serious about achieving and accomplishing greater results and embracing all you are capable of becoming you will want to experience the proven power of executive coaching.

Generally speaking, those who take advantage of executive coaching are success minded, goal directed and performance driven. They may have already experienced an impressive amount of professional success in their life, but desire to maximize their potential even further by creating greater balance, clearer focus and a fresh perspective.

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Left-overs – What to Toss and What to Keep

LeftoversMost people are still excited to open their refrigerator to see if there is anything left of their Thanksgiving dinner. They don’t mind a week of eating leftovers if it includes turkey, stuffing and pumpkin pie.

Just as the leftover food brings memories of your special holiday with family and friends, certain feelings, behaviors and thoughts can be “leftovers” from experiences in life. Some of them are delicious, but some are bitter or sour, and you must decide what to keep and what to throw away. There can be times when I open a container of leftovers and the smell lets me know that I do not want to keep or consume the contents because I don’t want to suffer negative consequences.

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

10 Ways to Practice Gratitude

GratitudeAs Thanksgiving approaches, we begin hearing more and more about the importance of gratitude and counting our blessings. To be honest, there are times that we can be more wrapped up in what’s going wrong in our lives or what we are missing, so feeling grateful doesn’t come easily. But gratitude is so beneficial in every area of life – health, well-being, relationships and success – that it is worthwhile to learn how to develop this important quality. The good news is, there are practical ways you can do it!

Here are 10 ideas you can use right now:

The Gratitude Journal. This is simply a notebook or diary to list the things in your life you are grateful for. Start with a basic list, then write one new entry a day identifying what you are grateful for that day and why. Review your list each day while being mindful of your deep sense of gratefulness.

Giving Grace. Giving Grace involves thinking in your mind or verbally expressing thanks to God for any experience you appreciate and never want to take for granted. G.K. Chesterton shares great perspective on this: You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink.

Daily Prayers of Gratitude are another wonderful way to express thanks for the miracles of life. Starting or ending your day with a prayer of gratitude for not only your blessings, but even your trials is a great way to acknowledge that there is purpose in all things. Prayer is also an important reminder that you

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Six Tips for Conducting a Great Interview

InterviewHere’s some great interviewing tips from my friend and colleague, David Towne.

Business travel. It used to be such a glamorous thought. New places. Restaurants. Hotel rooms. Jumping on the bed when no one is looking. Impressing people by telling them all the places you have traveled or are traveling. But now that I am older and somewhat seasoned in travel, it has lost much of its appeal.

I just got home from Parker, Colorado where I was screening candidates for a new school. Many interviews in the lobby of the hotel and a few lessons learned.

Don’t eat too much bacon at breakfast or you will crash in the middle of an interview at 11:15am.

If you don’t start with Attention Deficit Disorder at the beginning of the day, you will have it after eight hours of interviews.

The more you drink, the more you will have to excuse yourself during interviews!

Seriously, after years of asking people questions, I have a few tips that have helped me in interviewing that I would love to pass on to you. They are:

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Do You Know An Emotional Vampire?

Emotional VampireIt’s that time again – time for little ghouls and goblins, superheroes and princesses to swarm into the neighborhood and charm you into giving them some candy. You may even see a miniature Count Dracula looking like he’s checking out your jugular vein.

Halloween and trick or treating is all in good fun, but I’m wondering if some time in your life you’ve known a warm-blooded vampire – an Emotional Vampire, that is. You might recognize them as someone you’re afraid to ask, “How are you?” because you suspect they’ll overflow with more gory details than you want to know.

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

“But I Don’t Like Confrontation”

ConfrontationWouldn’t it be nice if everyone always got along and communication was always agreeable? That, of course, is a fantasy that will never happen as long as human beings co-exist on Earth. The reality is that there are times when discussions must take place that involve disagreement or confrontation of a behavior or situation that needs to change, whether you like it or not. You may know someone who enjoys a good argument or seems to relish stirring up discussion about difficult subjects, but that doesn’t describe most people. It is more likely that you would rather run the other direction – and you are not alone!

I would have to say that fear of confrontation is one of the most common issues many of my clients face. It’s not uncommon for people to literally become sick to their stomachs at the thought of having to confront for fear of having it turn into a conflict or facing the possibility of rejection. Consequently, these same people often experience low self-esteem, sub-par relationships and emotional turmoil. They live with constant nagging of unresolved issues, anger and frustration. Resentment often creeps into their relationships, and sometimes the other person doesn’t even realize there is a problem.

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Men and Women Have Different Social Needs

Social NeedsBack in the “olden days” when my children were still living at home and our main source of communication was a house phone that we all had to share, most of the calls received in our home were either for my daughters or my wife. If it hadn’t been for solicitors calling during the dinner hour, I would rarely talk to anyone on the telephone. One of the reasons they received more calls was because they highly value conversation and close friendships and go out of their way to cultivate them. It’s not that I (or other men) don’t value relationships, but we don’t tend to need as many relationships or as much contact in order to feel emotionally and relationally satisfied. In general, women rely upon and desire close friendships to a greater degree than men.

Thursday, October 5, 2017

10 Keys to Healthy Relationships

Healthy RelationshipsAs a psychologist, I work with people every day who want to improve their relationships with friends, co-workers and family members. Here are ten things I recommend to everyone desiring healthy, more satisfying relationships:

1. LOVE WHO YOU ARE FROM THE INSIDE OUT. Remember Stuart Smalley of SNL fame? Stuart was famous for his sappy daily affirmation, “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!” You may not want to fall into that shallow facade of self-worth, but the truth is that many of the things people do to sabotage or undermine their relationships are fueled by low self-esteem and insecurity.

When you can honestly identify and genuinely appreciate your gifts, talents and abilities as well as acknowledge and work on your weaknesses you will be less inclined to compensate for your insecurities by finding fault in others, being self-absorbed and/or overly guarded and defensive. When you love and accept yourself it’s a lot easier to love, like, accept and relate well with others – flaws and all.

Thursday, September 28, 2017

10 Things That Turn Women Off

WomenIn most healthy marriages, both the husband and wife enjoy physical intimacy. There was a time when women were taught to “endure” their husbands’ advances, but thankfully we have grown past that archaic mindset and into the realization that God designed sex in marriage to be pleasing to both spouses.

And yet, a lot of men still complain about their wives’ lack of interest in physical affection and sexual intimacy. What’s the problem? I have found that many men simply do not understand how they might influence this indifference or lack of desire.

As a psychologist, I have spoken a great deal with men and women on the subject of marital intimacy, so I hear both sides of the story. It is rare that someone’s marriage is affected by all ten of these turn-offs, but they are common enough that you might recognize yours in one or two of them.

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